Building Confidence: The Struggle That Never Seemed to Stop
There’s no faking it. From when I was kid to this very day, I have struggled with my confidence. But that’s true for millions of people around the world. I actually woke up this morning thinking, “I wonder what it must be like for the people who have always been confident.”
Have you ever wondered that before?
While it may sound crazy coming from the guy who spends his entire life in front of the camera, I have often wondered what life would be like if I had been a confident child. Maybe I already would have been a movie star by this age, or maybe I would have made a million dollars already. Or maybe life would be very similar.
You see, for me growing up, I never thought I was good enough. I felt like I was too chubby, not funny enough, not good looking enough, and not talented enough. A lot of it stemmed from the dreadful feeling that I was looked at as being inferior due to my race and because I was hiding my sexuality.
In 6th grade I didn’t try out for the school play because I was too scared that I wasn’t good enough. 9th grade I quit acting because I was told black people won’t get cast. I had no confidence in who I was and what I was capable of doing. Through high school it took the voice of many people to even get me to realize that I even mattered as a person. It probably wasn’t until my first relationship in senior year that I even felt attractive. I’m so excited that I got back into acting thanks to my high school drama teacher.
I can’t deny that college was my thot-iest days. If you’ve seen the pics then you know I was always shirtless, but it did not mean I was lacking in insecurities. I had plenty. I relied so heavily on having pictures of my abs because I thought that was the only thing people liked about. WHICH WAS NOT TRUE! But I was so insecure about other parts of myself and my life that I had a very skewed perception of myself. I tried to make having abs my schtick, but it was really just a crutch.
It’s weird to me because, yes, you have to have body confidence to post shirtless pics. But I wasn’t confident in anything but my body, and that’s whats not visible to the rest of the world. I understand it would sound dumb to some that I wasn’t confident even when I was posting shirtless pics. We each have things we hide and keep to ourself, so it’s easy to feel hypocritical when the world sees one thing about you but you feel completely different.
What can You do About it?
Every year has provided lots of self-growth, and I’ve learned a lot about myself. I hope it’s the same with you as well. What’s most important to realize is that it’s going to take time to build your confidence, and it really has to start within. I’ve been living with a speak-it-into-existence kind of lifestyle, where I speak positively about my future, and say what I IS going to happen out loud. A few months ago I told myself I was going to get cast in two more acting roles before the end of the year. AND THEN IT HAPPENED!!! Now of course this doesn’t mean everything I’ve said is going to happen for me did happen. But maybe it just hasn’t happened yet. Either way, just keep working on loving yourself and being positive about your future.
I feel like I’m in a great place. And honestly, a lot of it has been because of the support and love from my mutuals on Twitter, IG Followers, and friends/family. If you’re feeling my vibe, please join my journey and click follow and subscribe! I’m excited to have you apart of my journey. You can check out more of my stories here